getting called cute by someone cuter than you
you deserve to be in a relationship with a person who doesnt make you compete for their affection and never has you guessing where you stand with them
i find comfort in knowing that other people have also had their heart broken. it’s nice to know that i’m not the only one who spent months crying over someone. spending all that time feeling like my heart had literally shattered inside my chest. it’s nice to know that other people feel their insides go up in flames at any reminder of the person responsible for the hurt. knowing that my feelings and thoughts are common reactions to a heart break make me feel less odd and less alone.
it’s been over three months and i think i am mostly healed, or i am in the process of healing, at least. the thought of being with another person doesn’t make me want to run away anymore. i’m looking forward to it. hopefully they, who ever they are, will be more understanding. perhaps they will actually give a shit about me. i know that might be asking for too much, but hey, whatever.
you are no longer the only thing on my mind. sometimes i am reminded of you though. it makes me pretty angry. i often wish i could erase you from my memory. i wish i could go back and never let you into my life. but then again, i was able to get all of my awkward firsts over with, so thanks for that at least. you did teach me a few things about relationships, too- like how i shouldn’t let anyone treat me like shit, and how i should probably walk away after the first instance of jack assery. so, thanks for that too.
i put up with way too much shit. continually gave too much of myself and my time to someone who isn’t, wasn’t, and probably never will be, worth it. but i’m not bitter. i am fucking awesome. i have so much to give and i will find someone who sees that.
i have found that time really has helped. the first couple of weeks really did feel like literal hell. but now, i am okay. i will continue to be okay!
and so will every one else who is struggling with heart break. we will all be okay.
if ur looking for me i’ll be in the trash